Archive for November 16th, 2008

To tell the truth, being a mom was supposed to be my ticket to avoiding going to work.  But as we say around here, the truth hits everybody, times are tough, my youngest went to kindergarden, and I’m starting substitute teaching tomorrow morning at 7:40 a.m.

My feelings about this are right in there with my feelings, twenty-one years ago, about labor and delivery. I’m willing to suit up and show up, I’m just afraid I’ll die. 

My bravado about teaching tough kids has evaporated. I signed up on-line (thank God subs can now surf the web for their assignments, instead of using the infamous Central Calling System) at two very local elementaries, for grades 1, 2, and 3. So, maybe I have doubts about my authority with kids? I mean, the fourth graders, I thought they might be too rebellious? 

I saw Middle School assignments, I was like “oh, come on, no way.”

Okay. Stay Calm. I can do this. I looked around the room when we were at substitute teacher training and the people I saw did not look markedly different, smarter, or stronger than I was.  If they were going to live, I probably would too. I mean, substitute teaching elementary is not supposed to be on the most dangerous jobs list. So why am I so afraid? I woke up in the middle of the night, having dreamed that I’l forgotten to go to work, and felt all of the vivid terror of the dream where you fall off a cliff.

Well, each season of life has its dreams and drama. My dreams?

1) I’ll be good at substitute teaching.

2) The money I earn will make life better

3) Working three days a week will stimulate my writing and housecleaning, not kill them.

As for my fear, I’ve got a plan for dealing with that. First, I’m going to get everything ready for tomorrow today, then, have my mother take the kids to school the first day I work, prepare my sub pack complete with a list of steps to leading a class in case I freeze up the first time I face the kids, pray, and tell myself that other subs made it so the odds are I will too. 

Wish me luck.