This morning I pondered for several minutes which jeans to wear. The absurdity of this should be pretty clear (hint: they all look the same.) Perhaps I wasn’t fully awake; the state of dreams, where placed into stark contrast are what we truly desire and what we most fear, both juxtaposed alongside what makes the least sense (“there were seven old men selling seven old cars on the ocean floor….”) sometimes overflows into the early hours of my day. Only in such partially-consciousness could such a decision have such gravity. There is a moment in the day when one finally, fully wakes. This could be a bad moment – the smack of reality across the face of what-might-have-been leaves a hefty welt some days (“wait, you mean that didn’t all just happen and I’m really living this life? Sigh”) or it could be a good one – “today is here, the sun is shining, the tank is clean!” (Finding Nemo).

Maybe this morning I woke when, having crawled out of my room at 6:15 am, I realized I had definitely forgotten to do the dishes last night (washing chili out of bowls in the wee hours is less than the best that life has to offer). Then again, maybe it was fifteen minutes later when my mother  (the editor) put on Dard-e Disco (her favorite 6:30 tune; whether she puts it on for the music or Shah Rukh Khan’s abs, who knows.)

It definitely wasn’t when, standing on the porch in lounge pants and sock feet, watching the dog make his rounds of the yard, and holding a bowl of oatmeal I was perusing, I was totally oblivious to the fact that it was 26° outside.

I think it was when, driving to school (in my coat and hat finally, somehow, realizing how cold it was) I saw the clear sky – heavily grateful, to be sure, as my mood has not exactly been trampolined into the air by the overcast tones of late – and I saw the yellow light of an early sun splash around on the houses, causing neat colors to form. I was singing along to “No Surprise” rather loud, and it wasn’t bad. I think I’ve shared before that my drive or ride to school in the morning is often a great part of my day.

Anyway, speaking of sleeping and/or waking up, I’d like to send a shoutout to my friend, found in the library yesterday morning at 7am, who shared with me the exact formula for “how to fail an o-chem test” (we had one later that day). It made me smile (hint: it involved the library commons, several thousand cups of coffee, an all-nighter, and words that become like ants running around on the page and laughing as they carry benzene rings back and forth). Props to you, my good friend, for your dedication. I for one was sleeping during most of that time, dreaming about said test in ways that made less sense than the ancient car dealers hanging out with the bottom-feeders.

Props also to the writer of said o-chem test who did not in fact make it so difficult that our work would have been an insult to the field. Grades are still pending, of course.

Moving along, I’d also like to give you some advice. “Prepare for all contingencies” is a favorite axiom of mine, and here’s one way to do so: pad your car repair budget. What!? On any given Monday in February I might get whacked with $450 for a new water pump? Well, I did panic at first, but then realized that I actually did have the money in my budget. One of the lessons of early adulthood, I guess: Yes, you can spend triple digits on car repairs. Easily. Especially if your car has 209,000 miles on it and is as old as you are. Oh, and if it had been making a weird rattling noise like something was coming loose? Yeah. Definitely could happen.

To continue this disjointed and rambling post, here’s something of  interest. Many of the aches, pains, and fevers experienced by those whose bodies have been invaded by small malingering bodies known as viruses are actually caused by your own body’s immune response. Basically, when I was writhing and groaning and all around in agony several weeks ago, in the grips of some sort of evil stomach flu, and couldn’t get comfortable to save my life, it was likely the fault of a little protein named Interferon β, produced en masse in response to viral infection, which for reasons I am likely to know eventually causes you pain. (If this protein is made when you are not sick, you will still get the symptoms; needless to say your body is pretty careful about when it is made) So next time you are writhing and groaning, flailing about on the couch at 2am like some kind of half-dead fish, blame yourself, or rather the heavily complicated immune system machinery that will likely see you to the end and out of that illness.

Anyways, in closing here is a song for all those caught in the doldrums of February (more on that in a later post). I listened to this while getting dressed this morning, and it’s good to know that “Dark is the night/For all” – you’re not alone.  (“It’s time we moved out West/this time will be the best” – agreed).

Cheers!