So, true story.

Shortly after I came home last night, my stepfather enlightened me to the exploits of my dogs that day.

“The pups killed a squirrel in the backyard. You might need to clean it up.”

“Yeah,” said the editor, “that thing could have rabies.”

Myself: “….did you know that plague is endemic to the squirrel population in Texas?”

“What?!” Her eyes got very large. “Yeah, sometimes people catch it.”

“I think the pups ate the whole thing.” said V, who had just walked in.

The editor mused, “well, if it is rabid, I think if we leave it out for 24 hours it won’t be contagious anymore…”

“And if it has plague, the fleas might have died, as that is how it’s transferred…” I added.

Needless to say, at this point, nine pm at night, no one was going out in the dark to search out some mutilated squirrel carcass. The threat of getting a fourteenth-century illness (actually, plague has been around longer than that), coupled with cold kept everyone in for the time being.

Now, I will tell you, I was not being entirely factual about the whole plague thing. That’s the great part about having a little information – one can misconstrue it, misrepresent it, and yes, convince their mother that the Black Death could be hanging out on the porch.

Rock Squirrel © James H. Robinson

The truth is, plague is a zoonotic disease that is endemic to some rodent populations on every continent except Australia and Antarctica.  However, it is more common in rural areas, further southwest, and likely in ground squirrels, like the Rock Squirrel, spermophilus variegatus. (so says the CDC, my new best friend) And, cases are quite rare – around a dozen a year in the US.

Still, gotta love it. In case you are interested in similarly freaking people out with slightly erroneous arcane information, follow these handy steps:

1. Learn something esoteric enough that your current audience has no reliable knowledge on the subject. (this is why the media is so good at messing up scientific information for the general public: what the general public understands about science would not fill page of printer paper) It helps if you are an “expert” – the house pre-med student or a widely respected news outlet.

2. Exaggerate choice details so that the example applies to your audience.

3. Say it in an ominous or casual way.

4. Enjoy the reaction, and pat yourself on the back for encouraging the misinformation of the populace.

5. If you have no sense of ethics, repeat.

Meanwhile, I would like to let you know that my older sister, being a mammalogist who studies mice, is likely to die from Hantavirus pulmonary syndrome – “a febrile illness characterized by bilateral interstitial pulmonary infiltrates and respiratory compromise usually requiring supplemental oxygen and clinically resembling acute respiratory disease syndrome (ARDS).” And that awesome last sentence is exactly why I am going to medical school someday.