Posts Tagged ‘Fort Worth family life’

This is a response to a sensitive, thoughtful guy post on Dad-o-matic in which Writer Dad tells his fellow husbands to open up to their wives on mother’s day.

My first, and humorous, response to this is, no, don’t tell wives your feelings. Giving cash is far better. Then, I think better of this and realize I don’t know if my husband ever tries to tell me his feelings and if he does what happens then. However, I am sure he will know the answer to this question. So I go ask him.

(Goes and asks. Comes back)

Just as I suspected. You should only tell your wife your true feelings on Mother’s Day if your true feelings are something she would want to hear. If, say, you’re a sensitive, caring guy like Writer Dad, you’re probably okay. But the proportion of such men in our society has never been studied; there may be relatively few. And it has been said, that for many women, who prefer the strong silent type of man, the fact that they have feelings is largely misunderstood and discounted. So, guys, before you go telling your wife your feelings, be sure it’s something she wants to hear. Otherwise, the plan may backfire.

Yesterday, my daughter graduated from college in South Carolina.  Although I did not attend for a number of reasons, I thought of her all day.  Her education was a project into which I put inordinant effort; she was home schooled for 12 years.

Why didn’t I go? Years ago, when she selected a college far away, I told her she could go there, but she would be on her own, and I wouldn’t be able to come out and help her whether I wanted to or not. Since she was home schooled, I worried. Would she be okay on her own? Nevertheless, I reasoned, she was an adult, and I believed, as I still do, that a young person’s own self-assessment is the critical determinent of what they should try to do.

But still, after watching her work through and struggle and ultimately succeed as a college student, I didn’t go to the graduation. Money is perpetually tight here. Besides that, this particular month, there are many responsibilities at home and I’m working five days a week.  Perhaps the kicker, however, is that her dad went with his wife, mother and sister and I don’t want to see him in this context again.

Her younger sister graduated last year from high school and their dad came to our town then too and made a great effort to assert how important he was an generally ruined the event for me and damaged it for his daughter. I was greatly bothered.  Although graduations are a happy event, there’s a lot of stress involved as the young person contemplates the future — even my older daughter told me this week she didn’t really want to leave college — and while walking the younger daughter through high school graduation emotions I had an ex-spouse hanging around demanding things and making it harder.  

So, for whatever reason, I decided not to fly out to South Carolina. I felt bad, and reminded myself that one of my good friends told me “it’s better to have guilt than resentment.” As it is, I thought of her all day, in her cap and gown, and comforted myself that she’s coming in for a visit tonight.

I am extremely proud of my daughter. She did it all by herself–a double major in art and biology. In the fall she’ll start graduate school.  I have put together a graduation gift involving some work she did in grade school and junior high, showing her artistic and scientific talents already developing.  And I’m looking forward to seeing her.  I trust she’ll understand I couldn’t make it to South Carolina yesterday, just as I understood, four years ago, that that’s where she wanted to go.